Denial
by cautiousAlbatross
Summary: John Egbert, 100% heterosexual, lying to more than just himself.


Your name is John Egbert, and you are not a homosexual... right?

Rose Lalonde, amateur psychiatrist and interfering friend, thinks you're in denial. She tells you your suppressed romantic feelings towards your best friend, Dave Strider, will most likely cause you trauma in later life. You think she's full of crap. Your feelings towards Dave are one hundred percent platonic and not even slightly homosexual.

You have a feeling that, after failing to get through to you, Rose goes to Dave instead. This feeling is later confirmed.

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:04 -

TG: look dude i know im hot

TG: these feelings youre having are perfectly natural

TG: you just need to embrace them

EB: you've been talking to rose.

TG: i may or may not have been discussing your suppressed feelings towards me with my sister

TG: so what

EB: so i'm going to have to tell you she's wrong.

EB: my feelings towards you are completely heterosexual.

TG: dude youre so far in the closest youre hanging out in narnia

TG: playing with all the fawns and shit

TG: having tea with mr tumnus

TG: lets face it dude youre really fucking gay

EB: narnia isn't even gay.

TG: narnia is so gay

TG: its practically a magical fucking rainbow land up in there

EB: no shut up i'm not gay.

TG: come find me when youre ready to change that

- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:09 -

You sigh as you close the chat window. Sometimes it's really hard to tell when Dave is being sarcastic, and when he's being serious. By this point, you don't even bother trying to work it out. You sigh again when you see Rose is now pestering you.

- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:10 -

TT: Has Dave talked to you yet?

EB: yes.

EB: i don't appreciate your meddling.

TT: You are impossible.

EB: no i'm just heterosexual.

TT: It takes a strong man to resist the lure of Dave Strider.

EB: that is wrong on so many levels.

EB: can you go and be creepily incestuous at someone else please

TT: Fine.

TT: I'll go and talk to Dave.

EB: that's not what i meant.

TT: It's not what I meant, either.

TT: Get your mind out of the gutter, John.

TT: I'm just going to formulate a new plan.

EB: nothing about that sounds good.

- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:13 -

You resist the urge to bang your head on your desk, and instead leave your computer and throw yourself onto your bed. You decide that you're not going to talk to Rose or Dave again, possibly ever, and certainly not until they stop bugging you about this. Staring at your ceiling, you wonder what you did to deserve this.

You lie there for a long time, just thinking. Occasionally some slightly less than heterosexual thoughts wander across your mind, and you have to force yourself to think about something else. You're still certain you don't feel that way about Dave. Rose is just putting these ridiculous ideas in your head.

It's starting to get dark outside, and you realise you've been lying in bed for about two hours now. You think maybe you should get up and do something. You glance over at your computer, which is going mad with Pesterchum notifications, but don't feel like you have the energy to deal with your friends right now. Instead, you decide that now would be a good time to get some dinner, and go down to the kitchen. You're just searching the fridge for something edible when you hear the doorbell ring. You frown, wondering who it could be, and go to the door.

"Yes?" you say, opening the door, and freeze when you see who's standing there.

"Hey," says Dave, walking past you and into the house, uninvited.

"What are you doing here?" you ask, still standing by the open door, in a state of shock.

"You weren't answering my messages," he says, kicking his shoes off and going into the kitchen, "Hey, shut the door, there's a draught."

You close the door and follow him into the kitchen, still not entirely sure what's going on.

"You got any food?" he asks, rifling through your fridge.

Still in stunned silence, you go to the cupboard and pull out two pot noodles.

"Excellent," he says, taking them off of you and flicking the kettle on.

You wonder whether you can summon the energy to make some real food, but decide against it. You both stand there in silence until the kettle boils. You get out some forks and give one to Dave, and he gives you your pot noodle, then goes through into the living room and sits on your couch. He's acting as if he owns the place, and it just makes you more confused. Still in silence, you go and sit next to him.

"Why are you here?" you ask, through a mouthful of noodles.

He swallows, puts his pot noodle to one side, and turns to face you, looking serious.

"We need to talk," he says, "Without Lalonde's psychiatrist mumbo-jumbo going on in the background."

"Right," you say, nervously twirling your fork and failing to gather up a single noodle.

"All joking and bullshit aside, I need you to seriously think about this."

"About what?" you ask, knowing what the answer would be but still wanting to hear him say it.

"About how you feel," he pauses, taking a deep breath, "About... me."

Innumerable questions leap to mind, but you ignore them. Putting your pot noodle down, you lie back on the sofa, your feet against Dave's leg and your head on the armrest, your eyes closed, and prepare to think.

"What are you doing?" he asks, and you find you can picture the exact expression on his face.

"Thinking," you reply, "Shh."

You concentrate on the nagging uneasiness you've been feeling lately – could that be because you're denying how you feel? Or is it just because you're uncomfortable with the whole idea of this? The difficult thing about denial, you decide, is how hard it is to tell if you're in it.

Eventually, you open your eyes, and sit up.

"So?" Dave asks, looking hopeful.

"I'm not sure," you say, glancing at him and looking away again, "I think... I don't know."

You pause for a moment, not looking at him, thinking furiously.

"I think I might... Um, I'd like to try something," you say, feeling yourself blush and wondering whether you can really do this, "Just to... find out."

"Go ahead," he says, looking slightly confused.

Awkwardly, you lean over, hovering with your face just in front of his.

"This isn't too weird, is it?" you ask, wondering what the hell you're even doing.

"It's fine," he says, and you wish you could see more of his face.

"Okay."

You take a deep breath, and close your eyes. Slowly, you lean in, and press your lips to his. You're not exactly an expert at kissing, and you wonder what you're supposed to do next. Dave solves that problem for you by kissing you back, slipping his hands around your waist and shifting you both into a more comfortable position. You find yourself getting into it, so much so that you momentarily forget the original purpose of the kiss.

"So?" Dave asks, pulling away.

"What?" you ask, confused and slightly disappointed that he stopped, "Oh, right. Yeah, I'm totally into you."

"Told you you were gay," he says, smiling smugly.

"Nuh-uh," you say, "Not true."

"Fine, bi, then."

"Just shut up and kiss me," you say, "Leave the gloating for later."

He gladly obliges. You've never been happier to admit you're wrong.


End file.
